I have a coach that says, “The quality of your life is only as good as the quality of the meaning you attach to things in your life.” – Rab Frieha
What am I making it mean about me when I mess up or yell ?
What am I making it mean about me when I ask for forgiveness once again?
What am I making it mean about me when my kid has a tantrum in public?
What am I making it mean about me when….fill in the blank?
Acceptance of yourself in your role of motherhood doesn’t come by reaching a certain number of check marks on the made-up script in your head that you made up of what a “good mother” does or doesn’t do.
It comes from fully accepting that you are both good and bad. Some days you do great and some days you don’t. Every human being is a mixed bag. Yes, a mixed bag. Once you are able to have self compassion for your entire mixed-bag self, life gets a whole lot easier and beautiful!
You become good company for you! And since you can’t escape yourself very well, becoming good company for yourself is one of the best gifts you can give yourself.
A fellow Strong Mom, Elizabeth Wilson, wrote about this in a FB post this week that stopped me in my tracks. Check it out….
“You would think adulting would come naturally, yet somehow, it doesn’t. Then you decide to have a kid or two or more and it only seems to make it clearer that you know absolutely nothing about adulting and or parenting.
And realizing that control of our emotions is not as easy when things aren’t going quite as planned. The to-do list never ends, the 2-year old is pounding and screaming on the floor, table, and walls or pretty much anything that makes a good obnoxious noise all while screaming like a crazy groupie at a concert, the 6-year old is poking at the 2-year old pushing him even more over the edge and in turn, the screams get louder and punches go flying and this is all happening while you’re trying to get everyone out the door, but wait!
They also HAVE to bring everything but the kitchen sink with them in the car and heaven forbid that you forget to get the specific red truck (that they don’t even know where it is at but it’s your fault because you didn’t bring it) and with what little is left of your sanity, you best believe that you may find yourself on the edge of a mommy meltdown.
These meltdowns usually involve slamming doors (I find this really adds to the effect of everyone knowing you have snapped.) Also, these mommy meltdowns include loud motivational speaking (my kids call it yelling, but I’m trying to be positive), sometimes some ugly crying (I have found that they tend to get really big eyes and become silent when the tears flow), and when they really get to you, a few choice words might escape your lips or if you still have some control they may just enter your thoughts.
Then when everything has settled, you then feel the dreaded guilt.
Motherhood is not always happiness. In fact, in our home, it can be really bumpy.
And at times I want to throw in the towel!! And run. And honestly, any adult person who is surrounded by children for more than a few hours at a time and is responsible for feeding them, changing them, answering their every beck-and-call, dealing with arguments, tempers, and the constant emotional breakdowns of these little people who are under 4 feet tall – knows that there comes a time when mom needs a timeout too! And that’s ok!! That’s NORMAL!!! It’s healthy.
It’s ok to be human, it’s okay to make mistakes and to learn from them.
Last week in church we talked about how God loves us where we are and I love knowing that. I love that if I let him, he will be there to guide me on this motherhood journey.
I love how my kids are willing to forgive me and love me through my faults and shortcomings. When I apologize to them I let them know that I’m not perfect and that I’m learning and growing just like them. And I hope that they remember these little lessons when they have children of their own.
“So as this sweet boy melted I went and tried hiding in the pantry so that I didn’t have to listen to his tantrum because he didn’t get his way, and so that he wouldn’t push me too far over the edge and that all the things mentioned above wouldn’t take place.
– I’m really trying to be more patient but while I was in the pantry I just laughed and thought- what the heck am I doing?!! I’m literally hiding from my 2-year-old!
But that’s ok because I needed a time out.
Motherhood at its finest. ”