I didn’t get the laundry done today. Thought that follows: “Gah. I’m such a bad mom.”
I didn’t do the dishes. Thought that follows: “Man alive. I’m a terrible mom.”
I needed a babysitter so that I could get some work done today. Thought that follows: “Seriously. I’m such a bad mom.”
The house is an absolute disaster. Thought that follows: “Okay. Get your crap together. You’re the worst mom ever.”
We ordered pizza instead of having a healthy, home-cooked meal. Thought that follows: “Every mom in the world is a better mom than me.”
I’m going out of town and my in-laws are hanging out with my kids for a few days: “What kind of mother am I?”
It’s a soundtrack that plays in my head over and over and over again.
Until… I had a HUGE wake-up call this past week.
I did a podcast interview with guest Hannah Olson, and she said something that was life-changing, and truly mind-blowing for me: “Motherhood is a relationship. If it can be delegated? That’s not motherhood.”
In common language? Motherhood is the relationship between a child and a mother. That’s it.
Motherhood is not laundry. Motherhood is not dishes. Motherhood is not homemaking. Motherhood is not cooking. Motherhood is not cleaning. Motherhood is not being present with your kids 12000% of the day.
Laundry can be delegated. And the person who helps with my laundry? Doesn’t magically become my kids’ mother in that moment.
Dishes can be delegated. And the person who helps with the dishes? Doesn’t magically become my kids’ mother in that moment.
Cooking and cleaning and tending to their needs can be delegated. And the person helping me out doesn’t magically become my kids’ mother in that moment.
Motherhood is the relationship between me and my kids. No one can ever take that away from me no matter how much I ask for and accept help from others.
When I think about my best friend, I know that’s a relationship…not a job.
When I think about my significant other, I know that’s a relationship…not a job.
So is motherhood a job? No. It’s a relationship!!!!
We can know if the relationship is good based on “the quality and strength of the emotional connection.”
Do my kids know I love them? Do we converse when we’re sad? Hurt? Afraid? Angry? Happy? Excited? Nervous? Joyful? Surprised?
Quality over quantity. I don’t need to be with them every second. Strength. Emotional connection. Relationship.
That’s motherhood. Everything else? Is extra credit. Bonus.
I don’t know about you… but that “aha moment” was SO freeing for me!
It gave me the permission to be the MOM I want to be. Dishes don’t matter. Laundry doesn’t matter. Cleanliness doesn’t matter.
Love matters. Quality matters. Strength matters. Connection matters.
“No problem to be solved is ever more important than a person to be loved.” – Thomas S. Monson
To listen to this podcast episode, search for Grace Momma Grace on all major podcast platforms! Go to Episode 29: Redefining Motherhood with Hannah Olson.
Let’s give ourselves grace momma. We are doing better than we think we are!