Momma, I want to give you permission to lean into your emotions.
You are allowed to feel angry.
You are allowed to feel afraid.
You are allowed to feel hurt.
You are allowed to feel sad.
As mothers, we hear the line over and over again, “If momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy” and while I do think that phrase has meaning, and teaches us that WE as moms make a BIG impact on the feel of our home, I think it also sets up this unrealistic expectation that, even subconsciously, “Moms must be happy always.”
And then? What do your children learn?
They must be happy always. They’re not allowed to be angry. Or afraid. Or hurt. Or sad. And then when they do feel those feelings? They don’t know what to do with them. They think they’re broken. Because WE think we’re broken when we feel those feelings.
What if instead, when we’re feeling hurt, or sad, we allow our children to see us cry? And when they ask, “Mommy, why are you sad?” You tell them. You let them know that you feel pain too. And by example, you teach them to talk to someone they love and trust when they feel pain, instead of trying to bear it all alone.
What if instead, when we’re afraid, we voice our fears? And we tell our children what it is that we’re afraid of, so they can see us having the courage to voice our fears, and then embracing and overcoming them over, and over, and over again… and then they, in the future can also have the courage to overcome their own fears.
What if instead, when we’re angry, we voice our anger. Not scream, but share, why we’re upset? And then we put ourselves in time out, or be an example of calming and cleansing breaths. And then they, in the future will know, “When I’m angry? I can go take a time out. Or pause and take deep breaths, and I’ll feel better.”
Monkey see, monkey do.
I heard this analogy once, that emotions are like a sliver. When you get a sliver, it hurts! But if you dig it out, it heals. And it heals pretty quickly! If you don’t get it out though, or if you get MOST of it out, but leave some parts still buried, what happens? It gets infected. It hurts. There may even be some puss or oozing. And it won’t heal. Not until you lean into the pain, and DIG it out.
When you feel any one of those emotions, there’s a reason for it.
Lean into the pain.
Dig it out.
Ask yourself, “Why am I feeling this way?”
Be willing to be vulnerable with yourself. With your children. With those you love and trust.
And when you do that, just like your sliver, you’ll be able to heal so much more quickly.
You’re not broken, you’re human.
And guess what momma? So am I.
Lead by example.