I remember reading in the book Baby Wise, that to truly help your kiddos feel loved, safe, and secure, your marriage, and relationship with your spouse, plays a HUGE part in their growth and development, and feelings of safety and security.
My parents are divorced. I remember the day they announced it, December 7, 2000, like it was yesterday. I know exactly where I was. I remember exactly how I felt. I remember the first friend I told. I remember the last movie we saw as a family. I remember the first movie we saw as a now broken family. It rocked my world. And as a result, it has made me INCREDIBLY passionate about working hard to make our marriage work.
My mom remarried February 22, 2002, and I have watched her strive relentlessly to make this marriage work. Unlike the movies make it seem, marriage is not all mushy gushy love and rainbows fabulousness 10000% of the time. Can it be at times? Of course! Will it always be? No. Absolutely not. You will disagree. You will argue. You will fight. You will have different opinions. Different goals. Different beliefs. Different ideas. That does not mean you’re broken. That means you’re human.
I remember seeing a comic strip at some point in my life, I may be messing up some of the details. But it was something to this effect: Pictured was an old couple, walking hand in hand, past a garbage can on the street. In the garbage can was a bike that looked almost new, and the wife asked the husband, “Why do you think they threw it away?” The husband replied, “Probably because it broke. And people these days are unwilling to do the work it takes to fix things that are broken.”
Mic drop old man.
To avoid divorce and have a good marriage, you have to be willing to work. Hard. My favorite philosophy I’ve heard? Is not to give 50% and expect 50%. It’s not even to give 60% percent and expect 40%. It’s to give 100% and expect 0%. Give without expecting anything in return. Because the leading cause of divorce? Is not money. Is not kids. It’s unmet expectations.
My marriage has not been all sunshine and rainbows. Trust me. We have been through some rocky times. But divorce is legit a swear word to us. I told Blake that when we were dating. It’s not an option. Period.
Now please don’t misunderstand me. I’m talking about normal relationships here. I am NOT talking about abuse. If your spouse abuses you physically, mentally, emotionally… bye Felicia. No shame. No guilt. Just BYE.
I’m talking about normal healthy relationships that struggle. If you need help in this regard, here are some of my favorite books that have helped me:
- Everything is Figureoutable
- His Needs, Her Needs
- The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands
- And They Were Not Ashamed
- The Five Love Languages
- The Compound Effect
- Girl, Wash Your Face
If your baby needs some TLC, you drop everything to make time to help him or her. Please give your marriage the same respect. And know, that if your marriage is not all fun and rainbows and mushy gushy love? You’re not alone. Give yourself grace. Give your spouse grace. It is worth the time it takes to fix things that are broken.