Being a mom is tough work. Around every corner, there will be new battles. You will constantly worry that you might be doing the wrong thing. Maybe it’s a power struggle over bedtimes. Maybe it’s drama with homework. Maybe it’s a child who gets into the kind of trouble you don’t know how to handle – yet. That feeling you get when you are scared is your heart telling you to be brave, even though making the right decision means taking the more difficult path. Take a deep breath. Make a good decision. Call in reinforcements when you need them. Each time you face your fear with calm determination, you become that much stronger.
Imagine the next battle that you know you are going to face. It might be with a child, it might be with another family member. Allow yourself to walk through what you know will happen and let yourself feel the fear and stress that arise. Then, take a slow breath and blow it out. Tell yourself that you can make the right decision, even if it’s the hard one. Remind yourself that fear and stress are your body’s way of facing a challenge and let them energize you instead of making you feel powerless.
While you are recreating this scenario, seek out a way where everyone can win. Be reasonable. Winning might mean no one starts crying during the bedtime routine, including you.
As an adult with ADHD, there are weird things that totally stress me out which most people don’t even think about. One of those has to do with confrontation and rejection. For some bizarre reason, those with ADHD have an incredibly strong negative reaction when they believe they’re in trouble or they’ve been rejected. For me, it causes severe anxiety and feelings of dread. My heart pounds, my palms sweat, and I can’t think clearly. I’ll do anything to avoid it because it’s so uncomfortable.
But, there are still battles I have to fight regardless of how I feel about it. I have teenagers in my home which means boundaries are being tested right and left. If I shrunk into my comfort zone and didn’t stand up to them, then they’d default to making choices that aren’t ideal for their physical or emotional health – or that of the family’s. So, I have to be super intentional and brave even when on the inside I’m scared of experiencing intense feelings of rejection should things go wrong. When I take the time to work through emotions and analyze the situation, it’s much better.