Our brains are hardwired to seek out pleasure and avoid pain. This is good because it helps keep us alive.
However the part of the brain that seeks pleasure and avoids pain does not have the ability to reason. And so a struggle is created.
Everytime something is painful our brain leads us to believe that it is because something is wrong. Then we blame or shame ourselves or others because if something is wrong then we or someone must be wrong for allowing it to occur.
For us mommas it can look like the following…
The kids are messy and loud.>>>>>I need to teach them better.
I forgot to wish a friend happy birthday.>>>>Blame self for being a lame friend.
Toddler has a melt down in a grocery store.>>>>I am a bad mom for not knowing what to do.
The house is a mess.>>>>Treat it like a family secret, not letting anyone in your house until it is clean.
Just because something is not how you prefer it and just because something is painful does not mean that it is wrong.
It means, that is just the nature of the thing.
Life is full of wonderful amazing things AND it is full of rotten miserable things. It is supposed to be full of both. That is the nature of life.
When a child learns a new skill, like walking, they first have to roll over, then sit, then crawl, then pull up to standing. These are a struggle to do and are painful for the child as they build those muscles to support walking.
Then they fall hundreds of times in the practice of that thing. Bruises, bumps and even possibly cuts are all part of the process of becoming a practiced, proficient walking human.
If it were not for the struggle none of us would have learned to walk. The struggle creates a person who is able to perform the skill.
It is the struggle of life that creates the desired growth.
Think of something with which you really struggle. Something that has been with you for years and it is still a struggle.
That very thing is part of your expansion as a human being. It is the struggle that is going to expand you to the next part of your human development.
We don’t stop developing once we reach adulthood. It is a lifelong journey.
Gordon B. Hinckley says:
“Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he’s been robbed. Most putts don’t drop. Most beef is tough. Most children grow up to be just people. Most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration. Most jobs are more often dull than otherwise. Life is like an old time rail journey–delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders, and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride.”
President Gordon B. Hinkley
What do you struggle with? Instead of blaming or shaming, accept this struggle as part of your life curriculum right now. Accept it and then you will be able to stop resisting the thing.
Resistance creates more pain and drag. Acceptance allows us to move through the struggle and be expanded because of and by it.
